Good evening, it’s been three months since I’ve scrawled and I’m still curled up in my cozy abode watching Criminal Minds with Safari Princess, that diva star. The marathons of this show are truly remarkable. It might even be easier to stop at one cheese fry than it is to peel your eyes off of Shemar Moore’s holster. Say, would you like to know what else has been going on around here? Well, I can tell you one thing, I have been consuming copious amounts of anything that even remotely sounds like the word pumpkin. It’s fall, what do you want from me? And you can be damn certain that I have six plus cinnamon brooms floating around the house. I blame Pinterest and my love of the seasons. Other than getting my festivity on, I’ve been working every single day saving up for my big move to the City. Sure, I’ve been attending class, but the more I sit through lectures, the more I realize school may not be my cup of chai. Then I begin to feel like Heidi on the first few episodes of The Hills and I’d prefer not to be known as the fashion school drop out who everyone hates and ends up with a less than desirable, handcrafted face and a creepy douchelord cabbage patch of a husband. That’s why I haven’t declared a major at this ripe old time of my third year. I don’t want to commit. Speaking of commitment issues, I may have flipped flopped right onto the deck of no relationshipdom. I don’t want anything to do with men. Not Ever. At least for a few years. Oh I would just adore myself if I got my shit together and could prove that I could be happy all alone. I’m getting my surgery in 8 days and I’m quite frightened. I am also stupidly excited and I hope everything turns out grand. I’m still at MK and Ned’s for the timez. Going to Cancun in December with fahja and Washington with Rayche for the Redskins game. Playing the Cowboys sure enough, who happen to be my newly most despised team in the NFL. Which in turn, now makes me the most devoted Redskins fan in all history of the world. As long as I can get some nachos. I’ve been feeling pretty drastic lately, I might even get a hotdog after. Call me crazy but I smell the winds of change heading in my direction and it couldn’t be a better time. Whatever I come across, I’m welcoming. My life is so good right now and I’m going to miss me when I change.
Here I sit, fully entranced by yet another Criminal Minds weeknight marathon, Kahlua heavily poured over ice in hand, when it hits me: Everything you are and everything you see is all a product of how you think. My emotions are more of a developed habit than feeling, archived reactions to familiar circumstance. Greatness cannot be achieved through old habits. Life is about evolving not revolving. It’s frightening and sad, but you simply cannot depend on other people for your own happiness. For your dry cleaning, maybe. For disappointment, inevitably. But happiness? You’re on your own. Someone recently told me that happiness isn’t a destination, rather something you find while you’re looking for it. People in my life, people whom I previously couldn’t fathom living without, are slowly slipping away from me. It’s tough, but I think the earlier you begin to rely on yourself, the easier it gets. I’m going to stop feeling bad for myself and start being who I want to be. As for Nicolas, I won’t be talking to him again. this time. It’s June tomorrow, and we’ve been broken up for far too long to still be sleeping together. The only object with the ability to scratch a diamond, is another diamond, and you are no diamond honey boo boo child. I love my job, my family, my baby mammals, things will get better.
Goodbye my friend, will I ever love again? Memories made in the coldest winter.
So I guess it’s been five months since I’ve posted an entry. Well excuse me while my life has been undergoing mind twisting alterations that require copious amounts of attention if I want to get a grasp on any part of happiness. Seems to be the time for Quick Update Live on the news front: I’m living at home (which is not half as embarrassing as I imagined, and I’m saving a bundle on my car insurance and every other cost of living) I bought myself a 2006 BMW with the money I saved working at the Conch House all summer. Let’s just say I was earning a remarkable income for waiting tables. They “let me go” in August for no apparent reason. That really sucked, I felt like I was incompetent…do you know how many real idiots are employed up in there? Nick Barone decided to be indecisive all summer long, keeping me wrapped tightly in phone lines of hope. I went to NYC to visit Ellie and Kell for my birthday (which I also paid for in full) I got to go to CAKE BOSS Carlo’s bakery in Hoboken, NJ to get my cake! They were filming when I went it was soooo magical. also the Bronx Zoo, Highline, FoodTruck/blowuphouse festival, Brooklyn Flea, Coney Island, and soo many other cool places. I eat the best food of my life when I go to NY. I can’t wait to go back this Winter. But I also met up with N and we got a hotel, spent the day in Times Square, and saw Chicago on Broadway. It was a lot of fun and he was really sweet…It was like I had forgotten completely about him throwing my most vital organ against the wall repeatedly. So natually I waited for him to move back after 2 months of being up there. We dated for another two months then he dumped me again. It’s been a few weeks and I still miss his guts but I’m trying super hard to realize that this is not only for the best, but also a great new beginning for me. Last month I got a job as a receptionist/kennel girl/anal expressionist at Matanzas River Animal Hospital. I’m more of a receptionist now that I’ve been working for a while. I like it, the pay is average but I finally have a real resume!The only bad part is being there at 7 every morning. I’ve been dating already too. Matt is fun, nice, cute, and really cool. I just don’t have that baby pigs dancing on a roof shooting off fireworks and drinking champagne feeling. I wish I did but I think it’s just too soon. I’ve kissed him but I’m pretty sure that will remain the entirety of it. I’ve been going out, too. To fancy dinners, parties, movies, girls nights, bars, you name it. I study hard and never miss a class. Rachel and I walk almost every single night, whether it’s bridges or A1A or downtown, we move. I got an A on my first math test and you have no idea how empowered that made me feel. I think I’m doing everything right, but that just makes it more confusing when I do have my little emotional stress breakdowns. I try not to contact the mfcka but sometimes my phone does weird things and texts just get sent. My phone “really misses him (sent:1:49am)” on friday nights after a few drinks. And if you catch my phone waking up in a grumpy mood, you might witness it calling a certain 518 number to soothe itself. It’s almost creepy. that’s why I’m getting an iphone. Speaking of getting things I don’t necessarily need but will boost my ego and cost a pretty penny-I’m getting a breast augmentation in February. I’m thrilled to meet the new ladies. My bed is at the utmost comfort level, I never want to leave it, but hey I got stuff ta do. and people to kick to the curb! okay well I’m actually the one standing up from the curb and brushing off the breakup dust, but I’d still rather be on the side of the road in my heartbreak gear than sitting on snore bore’s couch watching sportscenter for 6 hours. Besides, you never know what knight in shining armor will be gallantly riding through the streets and decide to scoop up a hitchhiker like me to throw in the back of his Porsche, I mean horse.
1. I withdrew from Algebra (again) resulting in 2 W’s
2. Nick dumped me :(
3. Gained five pounds +
4. $350 speeding ticket $$
5. Quit my job -
6. Broke my new shoes
7. Cracked my fake ID
8. Hooked up with Nick but didn’t get back together.
9. I think I have strep throat!
10. Tucker died in a car crash…
As you can see, this past month has not been the best.I’ve been crying myself to sleep for the past week. I just want something great to happen to counteract all of this negative energy. On a better note, NYC was so much fun. We got to see everything we wanted to and ate the best food ever. Valentine’s day was fun, N and I went to the zoo. He broke up with me a month ago and it hurts really bad. I love him I really do. He says he doesn’t want a serious relationship at this point in his life and I can’t help but feel abandoned. He says he wants to get settled and figure out what he’s doing. he says I need to pick a major and figure my own life out. Which I do, I just don’t know what I want. He was the only thing I was really sure about. His graduation is next weekend then he’s going to ny for a month. Who knows what he’ll do after that. To be honest I just want to move on because I don’t think we’re getting back. Even though I hope everyday for that call. I just need to accept what I can’t change, otherwise I’m miserable. As for math, I tried so hard the first few months, but my effort wasn’t apparent. I was failing so I had to withdraw. I feel so stupid. As a result of all this stress, I am eating a lot and getting bigger. shit. I brought Safari back with me today. she’s a doll. she didn’t enjoy the cage on the way over but I think she really likes it here, we’re just watchin chelsea lately. Wherever I am in the fall, I want her or B to come with me. What the heck am I gonna do with my life? sigh…
Tis a year after the birth of my online diary and it’s February once more. Winter break was spent in St. Augustine and I basically lived with Nick the entire month. However I did get the chance to have sleepovers with Valerie and downtown dates with Zady. Bella and Safari were just plain merry happy to see me. Nick took me shopping the week of Christmas at the towncenter. I opened my present on xmas eve while we were watching 8 crazy nights and I almost died of excitement when I saw it had diamonds. It’s such a pretty necklace, I wear it always. I had christmas early with the family and it was really good. I spent actual Christmas with Nick’s family..I had so much fun and they gave me wayy too many gifts. I love his older sister! but I despise CLUE (I have never seen a family more brainwashed by Colonel Mustard in the Observatory before). New Year’s was also spent with nicolas. we watched the fireworks on the beach then went to dinner at Amici’s and drank 2 bottles of wine. I was kind of disappointed that we didn’t go out but staying on the couch and tipsily watching the ball drop with the boy I love seemed a lot better. I’m in my second semester and all is going well, except for my math…I’m doing a lab course and I’m actually studying a lot alot. I don’t know what is wrong with my brain, I literally get headaches from thinking too long. Also my throat has been achy and swollen. After last Feb I am terrified that I have mono again. I’m praying I don’t. Valentine’s day is next weekend :) also happens to be our 6 month anniv. <3 I’m not expecting too much of him, but I hope he does something nice. I’ve been going home often. Honestly, I can’t wait until the next 3 months are gone. I don’t like gainesville. It never did meet my expectations…I don’t know where I belong but I know where I don’t. At any rate, I ate 4(FOUR) donuts today. on purpose. it was premeditated. my double chins are pissed but it sure was delish. I’m out of money again…perhaps I shouldn’t be purchasing donuts in bulk. I miss my mom. and dad. Nick’s birthday is this month and I don’t have sufficient funds nor any ideas as to what to give him! nyc next month. working at Ruby Tues now but still not much mula. I’m newly obsessed with Dexter. I don’t know what draws me in to be such a fanatic but I do know that I witnessed 24 hours of him last month. yikes. well I’m going to make spaghetti and meatballs and drink a nice tall glass of nyquil. later on, Jobin.
I’ve been experiencing waves of nostalgia lately. I miss my mom and pets. and Ellie&Kelly. and dad. and Nana&Papa. and Nick. and Jazzy. I even miss razor tooth Fritz. I don’t realize how fast everything changes and moves forward until I sit in my little apartment room alone. I keep buying macaroni shapes but don’t eat them, maybe I’m subconsciously saving them to make a necklace. I’m broke. I work hard at work though. Need to work harder at school. I try to break up with nick often because I get so uncertain thinking I’ll get hurt. to hell with jonathan for giving me doubts about all guys. I made a morning playlist so I can wakeup happier and perhaps even get my butt to the gym. I’m gonna start losing weight, you mark my words tumblr. papa has lung cancer just like vinny. and last time I wrote about vinny I said I hoped he lived forever. he didn’t. My heart would break. I’m excited to visit Ellie in nyc. I met Nick’s fam. they’re nice, his sister and I get alone famouslyyy except their cockatiel reminds me of mango and I sink into a severe depression when it squaks. What am I gonna do with my life next year?? god I miss safoofu, that’s one thing I know she’s coming with me. I just wanna go iceskating and get new mittens. Halloween was fun, I was a pilot cop flight attendant. Spent the night hanging out with nicolas at hattie’s. Ellie loves me again <3 I’m very relieved. Sarah and Nicole are at chili’s right now and I didn’t got because I couldn’t afford it…or gas to get there. Chuck and Blair are back together and I’m thrilled because if I can’t be passionate with him only Blair can. I can’t believe the next holiday is already here! I LOVE HOLIDAYS!!! punkin pie icecream and homeade mac&cheese. ew why am I obsessed with macaroni? I worked a double today and I’m listening to hilary duff. Just a taste of my Saturday night. Accomplished cleaning my room though :) I’m about to watch breakfast at tiffany’s and I’m really excited so I’ll write later on.
hey it’s been a while huh. So summer was quite fun yet of course sarah failed to take me fishing. Graduation and prom flew by and were both pretty thrilling. The cruise was kickin and my birthday was funnn. Tis the spooky month of October and our house smells like Halloween. Speaking of which, what am I going to be? it’s in exactly ONE week! So here I sit on my shared couch in Gainesville hanging with Pauly and Vinny during the Jersey Shore finale for the 300th time. I’ve lived in here for a few months and I’m in a long distance relationship with nicole. I mean nicolas. I met him at conch house and now we’re in LOVEEE. ha. He actually just left this morning, he was here for flag football tournament. I’m super obsessed with him<3 I just re-read all of my entries and I find it quite curious that I thought I’d never meet someone who I liked and that would like me back. and he’s perfect :) he gets grumpy and I get moody but things work out. On Valentine’s day it will be 6 months. Sarah and Nick said that if I spent as much time thinking about math as I do my relationship then I would be a mathematician. I’m pretty sure being capable of spelling mathematician is grounds enough to graduate college. Unfortunately it isn’t and I’ve already had to withdraw from my math class like the moron I am. I feel like the people in all my classes either have kids or poor social skills. Ellie always wants to hate me for some reason so we’re not friends this month, I’m not too bother though because she’s always telling me what an awful person I am and it brings me down. I’m not staying in Gainesville next year because I don’t really like my school or job. Well my job’s okay besides the fact that Texas Roadhouse is a redneck freakshow. It might be because of Nick or because I’m homesick but either way I’m moving after a year. I miss Bella and Safoo more than words can express I may even go home this week just to talk to them in a high pitched voice! poor boo boo is probably wasting her little baby life away locked up in the kitchen. Nikki got fingerblasted by nick’s bestfriend this weekend nuff said. I’ll be sure to write lata